Q. My son and his fiancée claim that all the out-of-town wedding guests must be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Is this true?
A. It’s a myth every out-of-town guest should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Of course you may if you wish—but it’s totally optional to do so. It often works best to keep the rehearsal dinner intimate. One thoughtful touch: Provide out-of-town guests in advance with the phone numbers of area restaurants, so they can select a place to dine that evening.
The rehearsal dinner is one of the high points of most weddings. Held immediately after the rehearsal (generally the night before the wedding day), it brings together the bride and groom’s families and the wedding party, and sometimes close friends from out of town. It’s customary for the groom’s family to host the rehearsal party—but if the groom’s family chooses not to give the rehearsal dinner, it’s fine for the bride’s family to arrange one. Similarly, it’s perfectly appropriate for the two families—and perhaps the bride and groom—to split the cost. Regardless, if the dinner is taking place in your hometown, you can be a great help by offering suggestions on possible sites.
The venue should be reserved as soon as the dates of the wedding and the wedding rehearsal have been determined. The dinner should be held somewhere fairly close to the ceremony site. Consider renting a room in a private club that does it’s own catering, or reserving a private room in a restaurant. A catered dinner in a private home is also a popular option. Mainly, you want a place where people can come together, relax, and focus on what each person has to say, because the toasts and anecdotes are likely to fly!
A rehearsal dinner can range from a formal or semiformal sit-down dinner or buffet to a beachside clambake or picnic. The goal is to have a relaxed, convivial time, as everyone enjoys a chance to unwind, toast the bride and groom, and share some food, drink, and laughter before the pressures of the big day hit. The only rule: the rehearsal should never be more formal than the wedding reception—and preferably less so.
The rehearsal dinner guest list includes the wedding party, the officiant and his or her spouse or partner, parents and grandparents of the bride and groom, and also any other siblings of the couple who are not in the wedding party. The attendants’ husbands, wives, fiancé(e)s, and live-in companions should be invited, but inviting their dates is optional. At larger gatherings, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews of the bride and groom are frequently included as well. After that, any number of people may attend, including out-of-town guests, close friends, and godparents—if you want a larger group at this dinner. Invitations are usually written on informal or fill-in cards, but they can also be written notes or even a phone call or e-mail. Send invitations three to six weeks in advance and include directions.
